I need emptying today.

I am going to spill my thoughts upon this page today.

This is the way I am going to allow myself to be nourished today. I am going to do this without fear of being judged.

My heart to heavy with burdens which I must release.

A woman I knew for a very short period of time, that I spoke with rarely in specific social settings and saw about 2 weeks ago committed suicide. Her grown son found her 5 days after she shot herself isolated with her inner pain alone at home. When I first heard this yesterday, the news jarred me but today I feel a deep sadness for her. My memories of her are limited but they are of a woman with a big smile and laughter. I know from the times I was in her presence that she had experienced peace, hope and serenity. I am grappling with how that can change so fast and with such dramatic results.

This is even harder to write about as I fear judgement as well as I struggle with is this the right outlet. For now, this must be my safe place to share. An extended family member who has struggled with addiction since I have know him for 3.5 years was recently arrested. There have been many arrests but this one is major and undeniable as he was caught in the act. His addiction has lead him to do many horrible things but this time he will be unable to escape the consequences. My heart aches because he is a young father and husband who will be missing his family for years to come.

The pain I am experiencing today is deep and quite acute and I long for serenity to return. I long to remember that this is a safe world I live in and there is alot of suffering as well as healing and wellness. I am doing my part to live in the kind of world I want to live in. I am becoming so aware that it takes practice and discipline and diligence to pick out and protect the good things around me. To put my focus on the good things, to cherish the good things, to nurture the good things, to seek the good things.

Thanks for allowing me to empty my burdens upon you. Thank you for being a good thing for me today. Please take good care of yourself today and know that you are loved.


  1. I'm a little late in reading this Elizabeth but just wanted to offer a hug to you.
    Janet (in the UK)

    1. Thank you Janet. I am so grateful to have people such as yourself say kind words to me after allowing me to purge some of my uncomfortable thoughts.


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